I corresponded with a friend of mine on flickr concerning a pic we did called "5 questions". In that series, we asked one another 5 questions privately through email and we posted the results on the pic's comment section. Well this friend of mine sent me a reply to my answers that caused me to search the scriptures concerning of the things we were talking about. That conversation was like Paul's conversion for me because it opened my understanding to love in the way God meant it. I've since changed my life and have been trying my best to live my life according to the scriptures concerning love. It's a pretty long blog so I'll understand if you don't finish it. I have a habit of writing a lot when it comes to spiritual issues. Ok, enough is enough, here it is.

Re: 5 ?
Thank you, TCW. I went through a stage in my life where I lied about everything to hide who I was as well as my weakness. God has taken that away from me and I've been liberated from those chains. My peers respect my honesty and it has opened doors of opportunity that I'll forever be in debt to God for.

We share the same sentiment in hurting others before they hurt me but that is my flesh that prompts me to do that. God has changed my mind and has given me the strength to absorb the hurt and pain. I didn't realize what Jesus meant by love being the greatest commandment(Mark12:29-31) but I understand now. If you allow God to be your defense and go against the natural urge to attack, He'll show you the joy of not worrying about being a victim. We spend so much time and energy protecting ourselves that we sour relationships with people who may not have meant any harm and it prevents us from fully embracing the love others want to give. It also limits the move of God in our lives. Its hard to love when you don't know how. We think we do but how do we love compared to what the Bible says love is. The Bible tells us in 1Corithians 13:4-7 "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trust, always hopes, always perseveres." Proof that we don't know how to love the way God wants us to love is in the line that says "love keeps keeps no record of wrongs." This very line is the line that hurts the most because we believe we are justified in keeping a detailed record of pain we've experience at the hands of others. To sweeten the deal, we tell ourselves, "I'll forgive but I wont forget." God himself encourages us to forget our past. Isaiah 43:18 says "forget the former things; do not dwell on the past." also in verse 25 he says" I,even I, am he who blots out your transgressions, for my own sake, and remembers your sins no more." God encourages us to do it because he does it and he does it because its the only way. Can we truly forgive but still remember the pain and not feel some ill will toward the cause of that pain. Even if you forgive the person, the hurt or the memory of the hurt causes us to defend against it in the future which activates a barrier around our heart. This barrier is comprised of memories of pain, regret, and vows to never allow anyone through. That in turn is followed by harsh words as a means of defense and offense to deter the very thought of mistreatment. The pain is reflective in our attitudes and the way we carry ourselves. We can't even stand to hear someone who doesn't have the same hang ups talk about being free. If someone tells us how they were taken advantage of, we are quick to speak of how we would've handled the situation. This is where my aggression comes in. I've been hurt all my life and now my armor is so thick, its evident in some of my pictures. I don't smile for the very same hurt we are speaking of. I don't act as silly a some folks for fear of being viewed as weak which makes one a potential target. I've learned to function with my armor on to the point that my friends are content with not knowing the real me. They see the warrior and think my harsh exterior serves its purpose but they believe I wear it far too often. I'm learning that isn't the armor God wants me to wear. That is why its difficult to move in. That is why after 29 1/2 years of living I'm still uncomfortable in the identity I set up for myself because its not the armor He wants me to wear. If it were good to be that way He would've been. Christ would've been. The bible says" I tell you the truth, no servant is greater than his master, nor is a messenger greater than the one who sent him."John13:16. This means we have to follow Christ's lead. We have to do it the way God did it. That is the only way for it to be done. John 14:15 says" If you love me, you will obey what I command." He later says in verse 23 "... if anyone loves me, he will obey my teachings". So we have an obligations as his children to follow his instructions. He led by submitting to the very rules he set in place. Now aside from being obedient and wanting to please him, still, why should we love in this manner that exposes our weak parts and encourages us to forgive and forget those that have harmed us? John 15:9-11 reads" As the father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love. If you obey my commands, you will remain in my love , just as I have obeyed my Father's commands and remain in his love. I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete." So we see that we need to love in a manner totally new and foreign to us so that we may follow Christ's example as well as receiving the joy of Christ and that joy may be made complete. Now what does it mean to have joy from a biblical stand point. Nehemiah 8:10 says" Nehemiah said' Go and enjoy choice food and sweet drinks, and send some to those who have nothing prepared. This day is sacred to our Lord. Do not grieve, for the joy of the Lord is your strength." So we see from a biblical standpoint, joy is equated to strength. So if we apply that to what Christ was telling us in John 15:9-11, he's telling us to love so that his strength would be in us and the strength that is already in us would be made complete. We have the potential to love the way God wants us to love but we need to love him first so that we can love one another the way he instructs us to do. Then we can get that extra push, that extra source of strength to love the way we were meant to love. To love the way God wants us to love requires a relationship with him. It is by that we obtain the necessities we need to love the way 1Corinthians instructs us. We will no longer need the barriers we set up. We'll just need the strength to push through the negativity of life. Those who hide behind barriers can not leave to conquer land, they are relegated to the area they are defending. With that I say good night my sister and I pray, I haven't put you to sleep with all the scriptural references. It is important for you to see for yourself and not be led by the words of a man who may seem to know of what he speaks. God has given us a mind to inquire of him ourselves as well as giving others the wisdom to preach his word to his people.